Social Strategies for Adults and Children

The demands of extended family socializing can be wonderful for some and overwhelming for others during the Thanksgiving Holidays. For some, these gatherings proceed relatively smoothly and for others they are loaded with incongruous moments, a range of emotional responses and a variety of affable and perhaps less affable social interactions. Thanksgiving gatherings and the social demands of extended family get togethers can be tricky to manage. Here are some tips for both adults and kids to help navigate difficult and unexpected family moments during your Thanksgiving Holiday.

Also check out this timely article from the New York Times with a click.
How To Deal With Difficult Relatives Over The Holidays

FOR ADULTS

1) The Overly Political Relative
Thanksgiving is usually a leisurely day that leaves lots of time for in depth conversation. Discussing politics, especially during these turbulent times, can be divisive and create conflict. Naturally, at some point, it is bound to come up and there is usually one (or more) family members who continues to steer the conversation in that direction. How does one tastefully tolerate this type of behavior? Shutting down the uncle who pushes his political agenda on the whole family is one option but not recommended. Instead, we suggest being mindful of your resistance and discomfort (if present) and articulating this clearly to the speaker. Using statement like “I notice that when we talk about politics as a family it ends up in an unhealthy argument,” identities a pattern and helps the speaker gain perspective into why avoiding such a subject could be helpful. Try to focus on using the time instead for developing familial bonds and finding things in common...sometimes fun games can bring relatives towards family engagement.

2) The Invasive Relative
Often, relatives know no boundaries. They may ask overly personal questions that you don’t feel comfortable answering or don’t want to speak about at the moment. It is your job to advocate for yourself and establish boundaries. Just because they are family, doesn’t mean they are entitled to know your most intimate thoughts. It can be helpful to make your thinking and feeling visible, especially if you do so in a kind way. For example, you may say to a family member,” I don’t feel comfortable sharing that type of information. Tell me about you. How are you?”

3) The Close Talker
One option is to pull a Kramer and fall to your feet when the close talker approaches but that wouldn’t exactly be socially appropriate. The close talker, as featured in Seinfeld and referenced in popular culture can be difficult to navigate, especially during the holidays. Close talkers may lack self-awareness and body awareness which can offend the listener. Talking very closely can be cultural difference or can occur a number of other reasons. Because of this, when you’re figuring out how to deal with close talkers, try to be open-minded and polite. I’m not encouraging you to suffer silently, but to be considerate and compassionate when you approach this person about talking close. We all have habits that might come off as bothersome to others so let’s all try to be more understanding and patient of one another!

4) Exercise Gratitude and Mindfulness
Stay present. It’s easy to imagine the list of places you would rather be than sitting at the table with a potentially dysfunctional family. Consider that one of these places could be on the street without any food or family. Remind yourself of what you do have, exercising the positive part of your brain. Consider going around the Thanksgiving table and encourage everyone to verbalize something(s) that they are grateful for.

FOR KIDS

1. Preview the day’s events and expected social behaviors
Talk with your child ahead of time about the family gathering so they know who might be coming and what they can expect for the family gathering. Are you going to just eat lunch/dinner and then sit around and watch TV, or will there be games/activities to do with the family? Some children like to understand what will be happening ahead of time and this can help ease anxiety for some children if they know what to expect.

2. Remember crowded holiday tables can be overwhelming and confusing for kids
There is lots of conversations taking place at the same time, many facial expressions that you need to read, having to talk about things that are unfamiliar or uninteresting to you. Prepare ahead by thinking of a few things that you want to share with your family. Think of some questions that you can ask the person sitting next to you. Have a few strategies to help yourself feel calm if you start to feel overwhelmed- deep belly breaths, think about your happy place, excuse yourself and take a short walk to the bathroom and wash your hands if you feel anxious.

3. Encourage meaningful play and socialization
Provide some easy ways for family to engage with each other. Some of our favorite Thanksgiving past times for kids are
a. Cup stacking competitions
b. Group DIY art projects
c. Hikes in the woods or Walks in Central Park
d. Kids versus adults’ tournaments like Scrabble, Apples to Apples, or any other games that encourage healthy competition.

4. Encourage a small degree of healthy risk taking around food
Encourage your child to put a tiny bit of a few new things on their plate. If they are rigid around food and don’t like to try things, consider feeding them before leaving the house so they don’t feel hungry. Healthy risk taking involves trying new foods so gently encourage your child, but do not make it a public battle. Don’t feel pressured to make your child eat in front of the family members, as this will be added stress on your child. You can talk to your child about polite ways to say no thank you to foods they do not like.